glamjam: (Shirley; not your kind of people)
Yesterday was a shitty day. I wanted it to not be, and managed most of the day okay, but it was sucking hardcore by the evening. I felt like an asshole for crying bitterly after my bff called to tell me how awesome her Valentine's day was. Last year they were still getting over cancer, so of course I was genuinely happy that they had such a nice day, but I was also super envious of them having such a perfect V-day.

I spent yesterday covering a shift at IOW, which meant I didn't have time for plasma. Today's my normal day for IOW, so I don't have time for plasma today, either. I was there alone most of yesterday and Ryan barely said 2 sentences to me all day. My parents went out for a Valentine's lunch, but I had to go to IOW, so I couldn't go.

I don't know. It was just one of those days when you really want to feel loved and acknowledged by people you care about, but that doesn't happen, so you feel like shit. I guess the difference from it being a crappy day for someone single is that I *have* people I care about, I just didn't get to interact with them at all.

Meh.
glamjam: (Night sky)
I'm having a crappy night.

I know that everything is being exacerbated by the fact that I had issues swallowing my pills when I was sick last week, and I've been bad at getting back on them since. Duly acknowledged and I'm working on it.

Thing 1) Not sure if I'm going to see Ryan this week, which is kind of a big emotional trigger right now. I'm pretty sure I'll see him on Saturday for the Halloween party, but that's not the same with 1-on-1 time that is mostly spent cuddling. I think the concept of not getting time with him during the week is a big issue at the moment because I didn't see him 7 months and although he's closer now I'm seeing him a little at a time, we haven't done a big hangout of multiple days and actually sleeping the night together, which is what I'm used to happening after a prolonged absence. So even though I have him in my life more, it still feels like we're kind of in limbo? Additional challenges include my place being the only location where we can hangout freely and be ourselves; I could go up to Vancouver to his place, but his parents are home a lot and I have to be a platonic friend when I'm there.

Thing 2) My dad's been talking up a storm of my parents moving into a smaller place lately, and while this isn't going to happen anytime soon (say, the next 6-12 months), it's making me freak the fuck out because, hi? I'm unemployed, have no prospects, and nowhere to go when they move into a smaller place that has no room for me.

Thing 3) It's time for my mom's quarterly meeting, which means she's off to Bend, in eastern Oregon, for 3 days and nights. Not a big deal, except that leaves me home with my dad for that time and the way things have been going lately, I'm worried that we're just going to fight the whole time and that does my emotional state no favors.

Thing 4) I didn't get hired back on at Harry & David's, which was really unexpected. I suppose I should have been more cautious about it, but since I left in good standing last season, I thought getting the position again would be fairly easy. So yeah. Feeling really useless in the job regard.

Thing 5) I'm on my period this week, which makes everything exponentially worse.


So basically I want to be wrapped up in a certain someone's arms so I feel safe and less like things are going to hell, but no dice. I have all of the alone and oh jesus, ALL OF THE CRYING. And then I feeling fucking dumb because, hey, it could be so much worse. Cancer, etc.
glamjam: (Night sky)
Today's been ridiculously emo for me, but at least last night was okay.

After my shift at IOW, I had a crafting date with Carri. I had to get a couple of shirts to destroy on the way there, which ended up being spendier than I would have liked. Ah well, I'm not known for my ability to plan well. I made Carri a new Beth Ditto and feminist symbol stencil, since the shirts she made with them last week ended up being to small. We both made shirts that said "f*ck ladylike", which I can't wait to wear. (At some point, I'm going to have to make a post all the new shirts I've gotten lately. Argh.)

Carri's friend Shannon was there, too - I don't know her terribly well, but she's quite nice and sarcastic!. After crafting, discussing the various states of romatic attachments and the etiquette of sex clubs, we had dinner - a vegan pizza, italian soda, minty Newman-Os, and a vegan chocolate ganache-banana cream pie.

We also watched "Whip It", which I'd never seen, but is now one of my favorite-est things ever. (And something I desperately need an icon for.)


Other things of interest:
* I have a job interview on Tuesday at Bullseye Glass
* My healthy project started on the first, but being emo is making it difficult
* Haven't talked to Ryan for almost 5 days

*sigh*

boo.

May. 7th, 2012 03:05 am
glamjam: (panic!)
It's three in the morning and I'm drinking a London Fog and listening to the Hours soundtrack. I'm still sick and should be in bed. Well.

emo Mary is emo )

In short: I'm lonely and crying a lot and wish I could get a fucking snuggle from my boyfriend/best friend.
glamjam: (Default)
I hate where I live and half the people I live with.

I love getting belittled and told I'm broken, it's awesome!

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